HI I AM FROGGY I LIKE PEOPLE
PLEASED TO MEET YOU BE MY FRIEND
Today I got into an argument with my Aunt because she was upset that her daughter was dating a girl so I said
"Do you really think you should fall in love with someone’s genitals over their soul? Because that’s shallow and sad"
And my 75 year old grandmother who was sitting in her rocking chair, and who hasn’t said a word for the past hour screamed “OH BURN” and hit my aunt with a fly swatterMy gramma is a special lady okay.
- Dad: hey I'm gonna go grocery shopping do you need anything?
- Me: uuuhhh....
- Me: contemplates wether or not I should ask him to get me pads since I need them desperately
- Dad: anything at all?
- Me: uh... Yeah.... Can you get me some pads
- Dad: Sure
- Me: Are you serious? Wouldn't you be embarrassed?
- Dad: Natalie, I'm a 56 year old man who has been buying pads for your mother for over 20 years. No I'm not embarrassed.
- Me: But I thought guys get squirmish when we ask them to buy this stuff for us
- Dad: boys are squirmish. Men will step out and buy you as many pads and tampons as you need. A man will understand that you cannot control your cycle and that this is a natural bodily process. So, if you ever find a guy who's too embarrassed to buy you pad just bleed on everything he owns.
- Me: OMG DAD
What To Do When Your Boyfriend’s Asshole Best Friend Says, “Hey, Never Trust Anything That Bleeds For Seven Days And Doesn’t Die,
OR The Only Poem I’ll Ever Write About Periods.
Don’t excuse him because he’s had
at least three lite beers
and is sweating through his black button down
that his mom or exgirlfriend
probably bought him.
Don’t excuse him because he’s been turned down
by the last six girls he went on dates with
after meeting them on tindr
with a picture that’s seven years old
Don’t excuse him because
he’s usually such a nice guy
because you don’t want to be a bitch
because you don’t want to cause a scene
because when you were seventeen
your sister told you
no one likes an angry feminist
Let me explain something to you.
Every goddamn motherfucking month since I was eleven,
a part of me
tore itself to shreds
ripped itself apart inside me
and then remade itself.
So yes, I bleed for seven days
and I don’t die
You know what else can do that?
Things of legend.
Fuck, I can even
So I say, never trust anything that can’t
bleed for seven days and not die.
You know what that makes it?
So let’s see, hon,
What you’re made of.
If you can bleed for seven days
and not die.
Rip out his jugular with your teeth.
And when he bleeds for seven seconds
spit on his corpse and say,
I thought not.